It's all very kind and very nice of you to listen to me, especially when I am so verbose and just carry on and on. Today, I feel like I don't deserve even that, I just want attention, that I'm a spoiled kid, everyone has problems, so I don't know why I think mine are so special they merit all of this.

Today, I feel like I'm trash. Like he was right, I'm worthless and weak. Like I am sorry I'm alive. And that isn't a good place to be in. I hope the prozac kicks in and helps, I really need it to. I hate all of this, everything is spiraling downward when it should be looking up. Everything I did in the last year is becoming undone in a matter of weeks. And, if it keeps going this way, I'm going to think what happened last year was a tea party, my troubles will compound a thousand fold. I just want this particular ride to stop, or at least slow down enough that I can get off.

I'm a complete mess.