as kimmy said it takes two to have a debate.
when did debate get to be a nasty word?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Debate

seems that debate is an important part of democratic structure and making progress on issues (including what one believes) in general... it is linked to the word 'discussion'.

> I find this debating issue is just a means to avoid one's life and own failings.

i'm sorry that that is your experience with debate / discussion :-(
and i'm sorry that your experience seems to be tied up with hurt as well :-(

i find it helpful to discuss / debate some things...
and to disclose other things that are hard...

i know you didn't direct your response to me in particular, but i have a feeling it was directed to me.

one can't debate what someone believes (the fact that they do believe it). one can't debate experiences that someone is having...

but people do insist on talking about the way the world is or about what is the case for other people as well...

are we just supposed to ignore the latter claims?

i don't understand.