Dad used to chase us down the hall with a belt. Not sure if we ever got hit. When I was six he played Russian roulette with my mother and the gun went off on him. Made the front page. I remember smiling when my mother told me. Mother was horrible. Provided us with food and shelter, not much love and then tried to kill herself when I was 13. Didn't work unfortunately!! Finally she died and I must admit I was relieved.
So I have two daughters and I did my best to be nothing like my mother. It can be done and you can STOP the legacy here and now. Learn some patience and pick your battles wisely. Listen to the very good advice that has been given on your post. But mostly just Love love love those kids!!!