Quote:
Originally Posted by IndieVisible
This sounds more like rage to me. I get that too specially driving! I have chased down people and have been chased. Usually it's just a game for me, the adrenaline flowing, excitement, the risk factor is all exciting for me. Some people play along and that is cool. But some times I run in to people like your punk friend and it turns ugly fast like your incident did. I think what ticked you off the most was his smart @ss look and way he acted. I don't really see paranoia here as the main driver. Anger certainly was tho. And look, don't get me wrong, I been there and done that too.
The looking over your shoulder that part was paranoia. The rest is just rage and or anger I think. May have some thing to do with your pdsd. My road rage is because I get off that way in a big way.
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I agree. I'm not super paranoid, I used to be very paranoid. I was so paranoid before I started therapy that I had trapped myself into my little comfort zone. Which was in my room, I didn't even want to go to the store out of fear somebody would try to shoot me. I used to believe my phones were tapped since they were before, I used to feel like my house could've got the door kicked in at any moment, since that also happened before by the feds. I still have what would be considered by some "delusional beliefs" but I think its because I know more about how the world works. Yes the adrenalin once it takes over I lose my rationality and only want to attack. I think looking over my shoulder was paranoid to, but it was mostly to check for threats that were not there, it wasn't as bad as my paranoia has gotten historically.
I still remember with photographic precision what his car looks like and the last guy that messed with me on the streets, I haven't seen any of them around since and I haven't been avoiding those routes. I almost got into a fight the other day, I gave this dude the middle finger in front of his girl, he pulls up on me and I started laughing at him and pointing my finger. There was no confrontation because he must've thought I was crazy since I was not intimidated. I have a feeling most people around this neighborhood are scared of the "thug" type. I used to be in a gang and have fought many of these type of guys, their strength is mostly psychological, they have no fear, but they still cry once you make them bleed.
I get road rage to, its really hard for me to keep calm while driving, I won't drive unless it is close enough to walk/bike because driving is frustrating to me. I have points on my license for something I didn't do but never got caught speeding because I'm smart about it. Usually people who drive like **** give me road rage worse than people who drive like grannies, although both are annoying depending on the circumstances. That's one thing I don't miss about the city, people would always drive like **** everywhere you went.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MotownJohnny
Paranoia is an irrational false belief that you will be harmed by something that can not happen. "The CIA is trailing me and trying to frame me as an Al Quaeda agent". Paranoia sort of overlaps with psychosis - You can be paranoid about a delusion "Martians are trying to frame me as a spy". I guess I got that right.
Hypervigilance can have elements of paranoia, well, the flavor of paranoia. But it is a fear of something which is possible, although unlikely. Someone who was attacked by a pack of pit bulls that got loose is unlikely to be attacked again in the same way, but still is very fearful and constantly on the lookout for dogs."
Not really a good idea to walk around with weapons. I did, once, albeit in the middle if the night and in a pack until I intend to use it on myself. But, I could have been arrested and charged with a felony or even been shot by a cop under the most extreme scenario.
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I thought the CIA was spying on me and was afraid of pretty much everything because I thought it was part of a conspiracy to take me back to jail. I've also felt like I was constantly being watched and followed before, for months. But now the paranoid comes in waves. I used to think that exact same thought "The CIA is trailing me and trying to frame me as an Al Quaeda agent" that's why I deleted all my gmail and google related accounts. Now I only use google through a proxy because Google is nothing more than an NSA spying front. Google is the NSA is disguise, this is not even a delusion but a rational belief based on evidence .
I agree with you about the weapons, I try to hide them from myself, but I don't feel safe without them. Especially not with people like that in the streets, that will just start **** and discriminate for no good reason. Most of the people I've seen around here are friendly and courteous, but since school started back up there have been a lot of little ****'s that remind me of being bullied my school days. Its like I want to punish them for what my bullies did in my school days. All my friends were always crazy as long as I remember, I couldn't hang out with anybody who didn't have some screws loose, my best friends in public school were schizophrenic or ADHD.
One of my friends who died a few years ago got arrested for walking around on 8 mile with a ninja sword
he was wasted. I already have felonies, you don't want felonies, they don't look good on your resume
