I feel like a grief expert through the fire trials. I am so sorry for your loss and all of the chaos and confusion you may be feeling. I am also sorry that you can't protect your kids from the pain. It is so unreal to lose on we love suddenly. My expereince says to remember all of the things you can as a family and tell the funny stories and put out pictures of him. "Remember when" is so helpful to me. Expect nothing from yourself right now and accept how you feel. I am so very sorry. I am also sorry for the family stuff. Hope it gets resolved. Peace to you my dear lady.