I know what you mean. I had a hard time when I was involved in the community too. I think some of us just don't fit that lifestyle.

I have always had issues. Up until a few months ago, I was always in denial. My issues are not just mental, but spiritual as well. I just have this vast amount of negative energy. I am starting to realize that I am the cause of all of my problems and that the person I fooled the most was myself.

That 'negative' stuff is everywhere though unhappy. The sex part may be more emphasized, but it's an establishment for men, and men will be men. It's natural.

I think you have trouble seeing past that, as did I. I don't smoke, and only drink if I am offered one. I am kind of off n' on about sex (sometimes I want to do it five times a day, other times I'll go weeks without doing it).

To be honest, I think most gay men like the enviornment you depicted, but aside from having that in common, they can be as different as other people overall. You may find a sportsman whose addicted to fantasy football and likes fishing most of the time with an artist whose paintings are showcased in a gallery and is a philanthropist most days sitting together, drinking beer and sharing a smoke. It may not necessarily mean that is all they do in life. Perhaps if one of them had a boyfriend, they would only go to bars on certain occasions. Then again, you do have those that pretty much live there a day or two of the week. Nothing wrong with that, but it sounds like that is the type you want to avoid, is the vibe I am getting.

You can always try going to a bar the same night of the week every week. After a month or two, you can see who goes regularly, because they are always there the same day of the week. Then, if you meet someone you like, you can tell that he just happen to go there that night.

I don't know if that helps. I just want to encourage you because you do seem lonely and I bet you can see the glass half full if you focus on the positive possibilities. Your problem seems different than mine, which is why I am suggesting things that I am not ready to try, nor probably will ever at this point, but had in the past.

Whatever you do, do not stop going to therapy (once you begin), no matter how good things start going when you meet someone or how relaxed you feel in the gay enviornment. It can be detrimental.