Here's something I wrote to my T a few days ago. I believe it illustrates my intense obsessive feelings for her, both good and bad feelings, like one has for a person one cares about greatly:

Please tell me at the time of the occurrence when I am doing or saying something that bothers you. I know if someone was as persistent as I have been to try to get an answer from me that I didn’t want to give, it would annoy or anger me. But you have told me that judging others by my own standards is not helpful in relationships. Until recently, you gave no clues of feeling uncomfortably pressured, so I assumed you were OK with my persistence, and you were dealing with it from a therapist’s professional standpoint. To be told now, after all these years, that you felt uncomfortably pressured, disturbs me. Not telling me how my persistence has made you feel, and then insisting that I somehow should have known, makes me feel intimidated. I feel ashamed and I assume you are correct that “I should have known”. Next, I ask, “How was I to know without your telling me?” You then squash my objections by making statements like, “You just said that you would feel pressured, but you put that aside and assume it’s OK for you to do.” Hostility rises up in me.

You certainly made it known to me that my prying into your life was off limits. However the “can we try being friends some day” question was not addressed in a similar manner. You have told me many times that I do not know what you are thinking or feeling, and anything I assume to know is just created by my own imagination. So why do you think I might suddenly know what you are feeling?

For example, in anger management class Monday night, I made a comment pertaining to something a woman in the class had said, as is typically done in the class. The woman got very angry at my comment, while others in the class told me that my comment was not objectionable. But the woman was outraged that I would “tell [her] what to do,” which apparently is a big anger trigger for her. “Telling her what to do” was not my intention. Now that I know about this trigger, I will be careful to avoid it. But without being told by her, I had no way of knowing.

So please tell me when you object to something I say or do at the moment it occurs. Don’t put me in the position of trying to figure out your preferences. I spend too much time in such endeavors as it is, and you try very hard to keep your thoughts and feelings out of my reach. You have made it clear to me that I am wasting therapy time, as well as time spent in my life outside of therapy, trying to figure you out. You insist that I don’t know you and I don’t know what you think or feel. Why would you then expect me to know what you think or feel? I really do not do well with such mixed messages. In fact I find it quite upsetting and dislikable. If your purpose is to upset me in order to serve an intended therapeutic benefit that I don’t understand, you have succeeded in upsetting me. If you are trying to make yourself distasteful to me by making self righteous contradictory pronouncements, what you are doing is on the right track.

As for my crossing boundaries that you clearly did set regarding my looking for information about you, I am once again asking for your forgiveness. It will be very difficult for me to have therapy sessions with you if you continue to hold a grudge against me. I am not inferring that I am considering quitting therapy. Whether we like it or not, I think we are pretty much stuck with each other. I am certainly not asking you to forget what I have done, I am asking you, as my therapist and as a lovely human being, to understand my motivation and try to forgive me.