Thanks...it feels good just to be able to anonymously post about these things that have been dragging me down for so long. Half the time I'm able to convince myself that I'm really just lazy and that I don't even "deserve" to be depressed because nothing horrible has happened to me. It's so easy to tell myself, "oh...you're just having a bad day...buck up". Then I look at what I wrote in my original post and think, "wow...I have a ton of issues". The fact that I'm able to get out of bed and that i never cry makes me think I'm really ok...and then I take one of these online depression tests, and every single time it tells me that I'm in the medium or high range for almost every single category. Makes me wonder what kind of a hell some of you are living in who truly have reasons to be depressed. Also makes me wonder how great life must be for my "normal" friends on Facebook who are always posting pictures and stories that give me a glimpse inside of what life is like without depression. I feel like if most people won a million dollars they would go on vacations, and throw parties. If I won a million dollars, I would get a small studio apartment and a used car and be happy that I'd never have to wake up before 2pm again or have to leave the apartment more than once a week. Actually, I think I've just described my ideal life as a depressed person...I just want to sleep until the middle of the afternoon, not have to go outside or talk to anybody or do anything, and be able to sit at home occasionally practicing music in those times that occur less and less frequently where music feels like a joy instead of a chore.