Hey red, I gotta say, you said a lot. You also seem to have plenty of self-awareness. What I'm hearing you say is that you believe you have some issues, and you've got this laundry list of symptoms, events and feelings scattered like so many pieces of paper on your mental desk that will help identify the root cause.

These forums are great because no one will judge you. It's completely safe, and if you say hi on the new member intro forum, there'll be any number of people who have gone through exactly what you're feeling. It's often very helpful to start at hello and see where it takes you. That goes for getting help and making friends.

I have a couple stories you might want to keep in mind. I had a psychotic break about 5 years ago now. So I've met a lot of psychiatrists. All of them had the same physical deformity: no ears.

I have this mental picture of you telling them this story while going a mile a minute and seeing a thought bubble appear over their head picturing the sandwich they had for lunch. I'm actually surprised they didn't just write you paper for Ativan and tell you to come back in three weeks.

I didn't have awesome psychologists either, but they all had two ears and had enough patience to ask questions. They'll want to get to know you over a few weeks. And if you're keeping track, they'll help you tie the loose ends together --- plus recommend psychs that they work with.

When I was in college, they had these services. I stopped going when I said hi to my therapist walking down a corridor and she didn't recognize me. If I knew what I did now, I wouldn't have been so passive in our talks that she forgot me. So just food for thought.