it seems that you understand intellectually what happened, but emotionally you are caught up. much of this emotional neediness can be the result of isolation. we are social creatures, and need human interaction, with more than a grandmother. i'm so sorry you were grieved enough to hurt yourself, and hope you can find other ways to exhaust yourself.

it's good to have skills to handle emotions, they are so strong. have you heard about DBT ? there is a Social Group for it here, members who have taken the course and are still practicing it... it starts with mindfulness, basic non-reactive awareness of ones thoughts, emotions, and physical status. the skill to be still, and to be skillful in social situations is the goal. i hope you find something that helps you as you grow and enter into other relationships~

best wishes~
Gus