I haven't had much success with therapists. My parents took me to one when I was 9 or 10 because my father was a physically violent alcoholic and my mother was a religious fanatic enabler and somehow I was the one with the problem. After only one session he told them, "She just doesn't want to be helped."

There was one I saw once in college who spent the whole session talking about whether or not he would become aroused if he were to touch me in certain places.

Another one I saw shortly after the birth of my first child fell asleep during a session and still expected to be paid.

There were others who wanted to focus on death or on how I really love my sister even though I say I hate her (no, actually I really do hate her; she was as emotionally abusive to me as my parents were). They each seemed to have their own agenda that had very little to do with me.

The only time I've felt that a therapist was really listening was when I saw one about 10 years ago and told her that a friend was pressuring me to forgive my parents. Her response was very pragmatic: "Have they asked to be forgiven?" Of course they hadn't; that would have involved admitting they'd done something wrong. So she told me to wait and deal with it when I was ready. I stopped my sessions with her when she told me it shouldn't bother me that my husband had cheated on me because that was his choice and it had nothing to do with me.

I wish I could find someone who would listen to my story without having their thoughts focused on preaching their own values or researching their thesis or whatever else they wanted to use me for, but so far that hasn't happened.