Thanks SkinnySoul,
I'm trying to find a therapist, but that's still gonna take probably a few months, sadly.
I've seen therapists before (never for more than 2 weeks though) but never told them about my eating problems. But they seemed to only want to concentrate with the issue I first told them about anyways, and didn't even seem to think anything else was going on with me (I was inpatient, and they only wanted to diagnose me with BPD, even though I was barely eating. They just didn't notice, and somehow I didn't think to mention it back then).
But then again, I'm a little scared of anybody finding out about it, because they'd want me to stop and then I'd never get to the weight I am comfortable with I know they're supposed to show you how to eat healthy, but I'm not sure that would work for me, and everyone (family) would just tell me to eat more, even if I don't want to.

I know this is a site pretty much for those who are bulimic and don't want to be, so I guess nobody here will be able to relate to what I'm saying, but I don't want to stop this. If there was a way that I could stop eating altogether and become anorexic, I'd love to do that. Then once it gets too bad I'd get help for it. I just want to be thin, and I don't see a healthy way to get there. I always had skinny friends, and just wanted to be like them. I got bullied in school and my mother told me I should lose weight, too, but it's just not going to happen. I'm just unhappy with how I look, and I'm not really ready to start learning how to eat healthy. I'm just sick of those normal diets. They never work and definitely not as fast as I'd want them to.

(Sorry if I'm offending anyone or something I just wanted to talk to someone about stuff that's going on in my mind and how I really feel without risking them telling me it's wrong and trying to control me so I stay fat )