I meant selfish as in I'm depriving the other person of sex/physical intimacy because I have anxiety about it and part of the reason I have anxiety about it is because of my body because the handful of people who have seen me made me feel humiliated about it. I feel like I'm false advertising too because my face and hair are pretty and look really young, but it's just setting people up to think I'm good looking when all I have is a pretty face (well except for a couple of small scars), pretty eyes, and pretty hair (strangers actually stop me in the store/laundromat to talk to me about my hair). But I don't really have anything remotely nice below my neck.

And no I've never heard of "the heart that is meant to love you, will"...or at least not in those words. It just seems unfair when there are plenty of other girls my age that are much prettier, more emotionally mature, less needy, easier to communicate with, that don't have special dietary concerns (that'll make going on a dinner date a pain for people in the future...or the fact that if we want to eat the same food they would have to change their diet or we'd pretty much have to go to the restaurant I want to go to so I can have more than one choice on the menu) and other physical problems where I shouldn't be lifting/carrying things that are more than a few pounds—Even though I do right now because there's no one else to carry my groceries upstairs to my apartment, for example.

It's just if someone has a choice between a healthy, pretty girl with a nice body/skin that's interesting and intelligent enough to at least carry on a conversation, why would they choose the girl who isn't in the best health who only has a pretty face/hair, has intimacy issues, communication issues? I mean, I may be more interesting and intelligent than the vast majority of other girls, that's not what they're looking for—it's about looks. And how did I reach this conclusion? People didn't ever even give me a chance before I dyed my hair...I was the same person (interesting and intelligent) but no one cared until I had pretty hair, until I learned how to use make-up effectively (as in subtly enough to look natural, but accent all my best facial features).

I know no one has a perfect body when undressed, but I really doubt most people's bodies are bad enough to potentially be vomit-inducing.