Hello, Cynsal, and welcome to Psych Central! My heart really goes out to you. It sounds like you have some insight into why your mom is the way she is--and alas, your siblings sound like they want to stay in her good graces by rejecting you, too.

Sometimes a child can remind a mom physically of someone she really doesn't like, and she reacts viscerally---a gut response. And she lashes out. Or she blames the child for being born at the wrong time, etc.

I'm not sure a mother can exactly ever love her children "equally." But she needs to try to treat each child with the same love and concern. I have two wonderful children and I love them both with all my heart, but they are very different and I love different things about them.

My mom is more attached to me, but it's been an unhealthy attachment. My sibling jokes about always hearing about me from her.

I know your heart breaks over the situation, but we can't change your mom. I had a therapist who worked at "reparenting" me, being the mother I didn't have. Maybe you can seek out a therapist who can help. Plus, we can learn to be our own loving parent to our little hurt selves.

We even have an "adopt a mom" group here you might want to check out. You can join social groups after you make five approved posts.

I don't know if anything I have said has been helpful. But please know that you are not alone in your situation. You might also check out the Survivors of Abuse forum. I'm sure many people there know what it is to be hurt by parents who don't love them as much as they should have.