I rarely see a point in sharing my own thoughts and feelings because no one cares. Especially with a guy...I think I've met maybe one guy my age that actually listened to anything I said.

And when it comes to expectations, I'm sort of put off that I have to be held to higher standards. I mean, what do I expect from a guy? To not be listened to, to have my feelings laughed at or minimized, to be expected to not be allowed an opinion or that it won't matter as much as the guy's opinion. I expect to be used and thrown away like garbage the second anything better comes along...or literally any other girl.

So if a guy even treats me like a person, it way exceeds my expectations. And if he listens to me and/or respects me, I'm just wondering if he's trying to trick me into thinking that he respects me.

To just think about giving my virginity to someone who will just laugh at what I look like or who can't respect me without fear and intimidation (on my part), or doesn't really listen to me because who cares what the stupid cow thinks?! They only care when you make them care...as in they better listen to you if they want to stay alive and intact...to think about giving my virginity to a guy makes me angry. None of them deserve it. So why do I still occasionally get crushes on guys when this is what I expect? I don't know. But I was done even trying to date or even show interest in anyone (at least not guys because they get pissed if I do anyway) and then I met a guy that for a second thought that he legitimately listened to me and cared what I said. But he was too intimidated by me so I was afraid to say anything. And he's not in my life anymore. So that's it...even if I meet someone who can lower themselves enough to treat a girl equally, there's nothing more I can do. I can't tell them I like them because then they'll never talk to me again. Well, they'll never talk to me again anyway—I should be used to it by now.