Yes it was extremely embarrassing to take this to my T's & tell them. I'm ashamed & humiliated. I understand the need I have to be reprimanded so I continue to check the thread feeling obligated to hear from another person how angry they are & what a wretched person I am.
I've learned that I've been using this technique thru my life to battle trauma, extreme loneliness & to breath life back into my hollow self. My childish part feels like it wants to be vindicated & have my voice heard of why this happened & say this is my side of the story. The side you won't ever hear. I know it's childish.