Had an appointment with a clinician Friday. Setting me up with a psychiatrist supposedly in the next week or so to talk about meds for the first time. Issues that can't wait till then:
I keep trying to break up with my first boyfriend of over a year. He is able to calm me down most every time it happens, and make me see why I'm doing it is not for the right reason, why we should still be together, etc. If he is not able to, I come around pretty soon after and beg for him to take me back. I can't tell if I am doing this because I know deep down we aren't right for each other, and that the best thing I can do for him is to set him free, or if it's just my crazy mood swings- pushing him away because I am not happy myself, and I am thinking the unhappiness has something to do with our relationship too, as opposed to just my mental issues, that the "fog" of whatever I have that I feel like clouds my thinking half the time is making me do this.
Psychologist is leaning towards depression or bipolar. I'm not ruling out something else just because I feel like I create a lot of my problems for myself... I feel like I am more comfortable being sad than I am happy, that I like my emotional roller coaster in to depression, and that I think and do things just to get back to that emotional place.
I do not trust my thoughts anymore. I question everything I think and say and do.
My question is: how do you all separate your emotions, mood swings, and/or doubts from what is real in your relationships? Have any of you found a particular therapy technique (or anything really) to be helpful in learning to trust your feelings and learning how to separate yourself from temporary emotions? Learning how to protect your loved ones from the decisions you make while not thinking clearly?
He is not answering his texts and I fear I've done it for good this time :'(