Myself and my family:
I love my family. They're great. I had structure, religion, mental, and physical nourishment. They never hit me and bad words were not tolerated in the house. I'm the middle child. I'm an overachiever. And I have Avoidant Personality Disorder. My anxieties about myself and the world around me have led to a cartload of problems from self-harm to near suicide. But no one gets why because I have the perfect life and the perfect family.

Crying/sickness/injury:
I don't remember much holding or nurturing. I was expected to contain my anger and control it. If I cried, I was ignored or made to stop by being told other people had bigger problems to cry about.
If I was injured, my mom wouldn't treat the wound. I was expected to get down the first-aid box, clean and bandage it myself. When I was sick, I was "quarantined" in my bedroom so as not to get anyone else sick. My mom or dad would stick their head in every now and then and get me gatorade or crackers, but I wasn't to be touched.

Nightmares:
I had nightmares frequently when I was about 6-7 years old. The first few times, my parents listened to it and then sent me back to bed. After a while they decided I was making it up to get attention so they ordered me to stay in my bed all night--nightmares or no. Most of the nightmares I didn't remember. Most of them I simply woke up terrified. I also have this phobia of getting out of bed at night because I always imagine huge hairy dogs trotting after me in the shadows. I've even heard them panting and their toenails clicking on the floor.

Hugging:
We're not a touchy family. I don't think my parents have ever kissed me. They only hugged if I initiated it, which was rare, even if I needed one. They never say "I love you" unless I ask them to or if I say it first.

Loneliness:
When I was 4 years old, I had an imaginary friend. Now I'm 20 years old and I have 5 imaginary friends. I'm terrified of relationships with people but I constantly crave human contact and acknowledgement. I even have trouble sleeping because I want someone to be near to that isn't made up. I want to be comforted, but I'm so afraid of appearing shameful.

On that note, I function pretty well in society. I'm not "shy" and I can act confidence if I need to, even if I'm screaming in terror inside. I have an ideal life on the outside. Inside, I'm a ravaged mess.