((((IATE)))) I would truly encourage you to talk to a really good T that can help you see how lovely you are and how much you have to offer as a human being. I feel as if your expectations of how your life "should be", "who you should be" and "how you should conduct yourself in your life" have been muddled because of negative, hurtful, painful messages others (your family) have put on you.

It sounds as if you are being soo hard on yourself and for some reason, you believe that if you don't live up to a certain standard, no man could ever love or want to be around you.

There will always be women that we perceive as prettier, smarter, wealthier than we are. But these women really don't matter in the scheme of things. I can think of 10 celebrities offhand that most people consider beautiful (and therefore must have it all), but in reality, they are very unhappy. And seeing themselves as "human" is very difficult. They have such a hard time seeing themselves as lovely for who they are because of the pressures put on them from others. They get lost, too.

Btw, I was sooo pleased to read you mentioning your beautiful hair and that you like to experiment with cosmetics because that means you do appreciate things about yourself! If you asked me three years ago to name even one thing I found positive or nice about myself, I could not name one!

I want to go back to something I shared with you from the beginning of your thread (because I think the message may have became deluded and covered up with some major poppycock), honey, communication from the beginning is key. And you should never feel ashamed for how you feel. They are feelings afterall. When you choose to communicate important things to you, you will feel it when it is the right time.

YOU ARE UNDER NO OBLIGATION TO TALK OR SHARE, KISS, HAVE INTIMATE RELATIONS WITH ANY MAN UNTIL YOU ARE READY. Day 1 to Day Eternity. You do not HAVE to do anything. If a person (man or woman doesnt understand, get that, they are not worth your time).

If he doesnt get that, or if he doesnt respect you, get rid of him. He is not a person you want to be with. You want to be with someone that you can talk to: about the good and not so good.

Someone that tries to guilt you into something is not a person that is of good quality: respectful, loving and caring. These are important features and non-negotiables we, as women, should expect from the men in our lives. We are not living in the dark ages. If a man thinks and acts like a neanderthal, he isnt the right one. Leave those types in the dust. Let them be left in the wake of your trail good-bye.
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Baby steps. You are just starting out, too. You may feel pressured because you are looking at what your peers are doing, but most likely than not, because they started out together so early, by the time they are in their 40s or so, things won't be so fabulous.

I hope you will speak with a T so you can find more good qualities about yourself! Because you have lots that we can see the important thing is that you see them, too. But start with yourself first.

Rose