Quote:
Originally Posted by Patagonia
I've been married 19 yrs & we have 3 young children. I know he's not my soulmate. Does that matter? Do I settle for average? If I try to go or find myself & what I want out of life ill ruin my H & my family. Is this what I should expect? Is it normal to give so much up for another's happiness? I'm lost.
Thanks
Patagonia
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From this first post, I'd say it doesn't completely matter if someone is soulmate material or not, for many it's a subjective term. Some believe, some don't.
Do you settle for average? No, you settle for a relationship that nurtures mutual respect. Then again, is that something to 'settle' for or to strive for?
Can you stay put, for the meantime, and take this time to figure out yourself? Are you in a relationship that fosters respect? I ask, because happiness, is another subjective emotion, that sometimes people lack due to personal struggles with depression.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Patagonia
I think soulmate is someone you know you should be w/ for better or worse. We've grown apart. The more mental issues I have the further back my H stands as if I'm a leper. I can see it, sense it. He doesn't wanto talk to me about it. He's sick of me. We've done couples therapy with three different therapists. He thought it was a waste of time. He doesn't understand it and I feel extremely alone in this marriage. And yet I feel like I have to stay because of my children. I'm obligated. I'm not happy and he knows I'm not happy but it doesn't seem to bother him. I'm convenient And I'm disappearing.
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Through much therapy and support groups and self-help, the word 'should' stands out to me, like a sore thumb. Love IS a Choice! A soulmate by this definition, could be someone you WANT to spend the rest of your life with, for better or for worse.
He didn't embrace the couples counseling? Saw it as a waste? What is it, here, that he's bringing to the table, that you feel like, after 19 years and three kids, you are growing apart? Why isn't he supportive and compassionate about anything emotionally, that you are struggling with, in your life, right now?
Obligation to stay together, unhappily married, with kids, doesn't sound like a healthy, nurturing environment for the kids to observe.
Are there arguments?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Patagonia
Maybe I just expect too much.
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Expect too much? Sounds like, you know there are needs, within your relationship that are going unfulfilled. Is that why, the first post, you mention settling for average and giving up a chance at yourself experiencing happiness?