Fearing rejection is real. Fearing getting hurt - again or more - is real. It is understandable.

That is why baby steps are so important. And having someone you can rely on and confide in and talk to is important when we are getting started on our journey to get better.

When we take baby steps, it is hard! Sometimes it doesnt work out the way we want it to. For instance, reaching out to someone from the past. There are many unknowns. We will never know, though, unless we try. And love, care is a gift!

Yes, he may have moved on, but he may not have. The point to remember is that you ran because you were afraid to tell him you were afraid! We are all scared. That is what courage is. To face the unknown when we are afraid!

So having a support system while we test the waters, until we are strong enough to give it a go on our own, is really helpful

Pain or hurt or having our ego bruised is a given in life. It is what we do with it and how we deal with it is the important thing.

I hear you. I hear that you are being super hard on yourself. I hear that you feel broken and dont want to take a risk that you will be crushed to no return if things dont work out as you hope. I understand that. I understand that completely. I have been there. It is not easy.

The main thing, honey, is that we have to give ourselves a break. We are human. We make mistakes. We have to forgive ourselves. Even if whatever it is that we think we have to forgive is was not ours to embrace in the first place (I think that comes from accepting all the blame and all the bs from our earlier lives that we bring into adulthood).

Again, I cant stress enough how much I think a good, caring T will help you resolve your past hurts and to help you move forward. Even if you are scared I hope you will look into it.