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Originally Posted by LDarcyRose
Thusly, as the title reads; I do NOT belong. And it's starting to get difficult for me now.
I've always been like this since I was about 9; just feeling I was somehow 'different' from most other kids, I have no idea why or how, it's just how I felt. I had separation anxiety- I think, and didn't go to junior school for a week no idea why, the other kids weren't like this :/
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Hi.
I'm still a bit novel 'round these parts, but I've gotten sort of close with a couple people. If you were to mention me they might tell you I'm not exactly straight off the assembly line... but then again, I would venture to say that's pretty on par for the user base here. And for a lot of people in the world generally.
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Another thing is, I also don't feel like I fit in because of all this beauty business that alot of girls aged 18-20 something are into...fashion and whatnot...It just doesn't interest me :/ I also feel more tomboyish & although I do NOT wear men's clothing at all I do FEEL tomboyish in my head & tend to prefer casual clothing to anything high street or too 'glossy' lol. Then again I don't know if this is because I feel I'm not 'pretty' enough to bother with fashion too much...or what You know I get told I am stunning etc but, you know I never believe it
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So, people may agree or disagree with me on this, but much of fashion today is a "smoke and mirrors" pursuit. That is, very little of it, I feel, is about enhancing natural beauty. A lot of it is about making ANYONE into a specific floor model of the week. I don't particularly approve, and therefore kind of do my own thing. So, maybe you are stunning- and I'm certainly not suggesting you aren't.
Stunning- btw, is a pretty hefty compliment. In my experience, that is not really a 50 cent throw away? Not like sexy or hot... or even pretty or beautiful? I
think people are a little more frugal with "stunning", though I may be incorrect in my limited experience, maybe more people can weigh in on that.
Back to the whole fashion thing- there is "fashion" and then there is "style"... at 19, I had very little sense of either, and frankly didn't give a crap. Why should you if you don't care? Either way it's no judgement of your character. If you don't care, then don't and don't let it bother you. As you move on in your life you will develop more of a sense of personal style and settle into it and define it- and that, I REALLY think, is above the general sense of fashion that exists today. But ya know, I'm just some 30-something on an internet board
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I spend my time doing solitary pursuits.
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Do they make you happy? That's really the important factor.
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I've lost drastic interest in eating or drinking properly or much at all tbh or doing the things I used to enjoy way back in high school (about 6 years ago now). Just feels pointless. It all does :/ dunno why though and that's what I'm asking..... :/
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This is kind of significant and important to pay attention to, though.
This is what you should pay attention to. The rest of it, though it may be uncomfortable and perhaps awkard and lead you to quesiton yourself and perhaps your place in the world- it may all be transitory. The food/appetite/ interest thing is of concern
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I got really worried a few months ago because I read up about megacolon (think that's what I have from all the holding I did as a kid) and it looks awful & scary and worried me still slightly does. Anything to do with diarrhea does (I took a pill which made me gush like a waterfall when I was 6-needless to say I was traumatized of diarrhea after), I have to have a rectal exam so doctors can see if I can be diagnosed with slow transit bowel or megacolon but I'm too yucky and nervous to go I hate things up my bum, I have no problem things coming OUT, just can't cope with things going UP it (I had an enema put up a reluctant 7 year old me and think that ALSO traumatized me).
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Might this be having an effect on your eating at all?