{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}} if okay

What I am seeing in your writing is someone who has been hurt, and is afraid, and needs some support, but you also have more strength than you know. You recognize that you have been abused and you are ready to stand up for yourself and not let it happen anymore, even if you are scared and you still doubt your ability to protect yourself. I think that you can do it (and you are not overreacting - your desire to feel safe and fear of having the person who abused you nearby is very legitimate). Don't allow yourself to ever be alone with the abuser, and stay firm. You know that you don't want to put up with it anymore, and you don't have to.

You shouldn't have to deal with this all on your own. Going to social services is a good idea. Make sure to ask for referrals if you need to, if by any chance they don't offer what you need, but I think they will. Your pastor would be another good resource. Don't give up until you find someone who will give you the help you need to deal with what has happened to you and find the strength that you have within you to make your life what you want it to be. Since you recognize the patterns in your family and with what you have experienced, you are that far ahead in being able to avoid falling into those traps. You can't change the past, and you couldn't control the things that happened to you in the past, but the past is over and this is the present, and you can change and control the present.

<font color=orange>"Success is the ability to go from failure to failure without losing your enthusiasm. - Winston Churchill "</font color=orange>