well this is all a bit much maybe,

at the beginning here I was not fussed about brain shrinkage because in lunatic fashion I consider mine needs it anyway!

but moving on through and reading I realise that somehow indeterminate, the more medication sent my way... the more I find myself trapped in the psychotic cycle.

...it just seems to become much more defined for me.

it's curious that pills designed to harmonise an unbalanced brain do in fact amplify dis-harmony but with greater distinction between up and down.
(for me)

I experience 1 to 7 days manic ....8 to 12 depressed...and 13 to 14 are remarkably fine!

it's a two week medically induced psychosis and YET?... I'm tricked into believing that those 2 very good days at the end of the cycle are because the 'medication' is working...
who knows?... maybe my brain has gone peanut and hell it's been a while now, just yesterday I thought quite vividly to myself .. "hell I'm a drug addict STILL!...even though I'm not using...but all my life I have been fed or feeding on chemicals"

my psychiatrist is my new dealer ...

the only difference is ?...I don't hang out for my medication...it's actually annoying to remember it.