I don't hate my parents. I should, but it's way too complicated for that. Attachment means layer upon layer of love and hate, and I've turned most of the hate on myself.

My dad was so domineering and controlling, I wasn't even allowed to open my window without permission. Sometimes violent rages. Verbal abuse. Not loving. Sexually abusive, which my mum turned a blind eye to.

My mum was emotionally very neglectful. Told me not to have feelings. Told me my feelings didn't matter. Ignored my SI. There was also practical neglect. Left with headlice many times. Bad tooth care. Bad diet. My childhood was not a good place. One of my most painful wounds is that when I tried to SU they just left me at the hospital by myself.

I keep hoping I've made it all up, because it's too painful to live with.