It is very traumatic to be in a body that does not meet the desires of our inner thoughts and selves. Fortunately, you are able to meet some of those desires by changing the way the dress and by taking medications. Still, I know the feeling, those things are often not enough. And, frankly, hating our bodies is no way to live a happy life.

Have you considered making friends who have the same or similar issues, e.g., lesbian or bi-sexual friends? It sounds like you could benefit from their support and friendship. You need to meet others who feel as you feel and who understand you. I wish you all the best.