So I've posted on here before, a long time ago, when I was struggling with something that I thought was bipolar. I still haven't been to a shrink or anything but I'm just looking for advice from anyone that doesn't take meds on how they deal with bipolar. I'm still not sure that I am, it hasn't interfered too seriously in my life yet, but I strongly suspect it... And I don't mean to downplay it, as I've read some posts on here about the horrors of a manic episode and I empathize greatly with the poor people on here that have had these terrible things happen to them.

That said, I feel like I've been in some weird mixed mood state and it's confusing the hell out of me. I've been obsessing very seriously over things lately, in particular quantum physics and cooking. I know it's weird. But I read a book by Albert Einstein and I started learning about very very complex math to try to prove a theory about the fifth dimension, at which point I started to wonder if I might be able to go to school for a PhD in physics and math that would allow me to get the Nobel Prize that I deserve for my discovery in quantum physics. This thought process led to me realizing things might not be so great in my mental state. But then I end up staying up until 6 in the morning (I work nights, so I don't have to work until 3), at which point I finally calm down or get tired enough to sleep. Then when I wake up it's like the excitement of the past night has dissipated some days and life just doesn't have that shine tonight, and I realize I'm a stupid idiot and I'll never be able to do something exceptional. This same process has been going on for several days.

Another extremely embarrassing thing that probably bears mentioning is that I have had an extremely hyperactive sex drive, and I've been paying for stupid webcam shows... Please no judgement for this. I hate myself later after I realize what I did but at the time I need immediate gratification. There's some sort of grandiose idea going on in all that as well, in which I think that this girl I'm paying $50 to wants me because I'm so amazing. I had to call the bank because they flagged my cards for fraudulent charges and the girl on the phone told me there was a charge for "Steamraycams.com" for $50, and I had to tell her that it was my charge... rather humiliating.

I know I should see a psych doc but I'm not going to, still in the military and about to get out... I don't need that headache. I have yet to do anything that impacts my work life or much of my life with friends other than secluding myself in my house and head at times like this. So it shouldn't be too bad. I guess what I really want to know is, how do I break this current cycle I'm in?