" I grew up on violence, violent family, violent school environment, violent streets, violent friends, violent music, violent TV shows, violent video games, violent movies and violent porn." quote HealingNSuffering

This is your "original" programing, the "norm" of your environment as a child. If you think about it, you never really "knew" how to relax and "feel safe" basically, you grew up in constant hypervigilance.

I can relate to this, me too and it was very hard for me to "relive" that part of my life when I developed PTSD. Yes, I was "always" looking over my shoulder, that was "normal" to me, I had no idea it was not really "normal" either.

The fact that you have come to realize that "talk therapy" has been helping is really what you need on a constant basis. You need to slowly "learn" how to talk things out verses "the constant aggression you grew up in". Hey, this is a skill and it isn't easy to develop it to a point where you "don't trigger and regress".

OE