>> For some reason, even when I'm in the midst of the worst depression, my friends have this notion that I am ok.

I don't think that is the case in my situation... my friends know I have been out home from work for so long, even at the last star wars line (before I was "officially" depressed) they knew there was something wrong and they also knew I was starting to live with pain (I didn't know it was arthritis yet at that point).

When they do talk with me they are supportive and many of them comment on how strong they believe me to be... but not in the context of being strong therefore I don't need help, but rather in the context that they know what an incredibly difficult struggle I have been having and how I am surviving it even with all the problems. They know to point out my small accomplishments when I am looking at the negative.

I still think it has more to do with them all assuming they are "tier two" friends. One thing when I'm well I do make friends among many different groups, and although I do bond specially with particular people, it may be possible that they don't realize I consider them special, so they consider it inappropriate to pry into my dark parts... and assume other people are picking up that role, and that their role is more to the sidelines offering support. Of course that pisses me off that they aren't closer because I interpret it differently, which causes me to be aloof, which causes them to think that right now I just need "space".

And that's where I am now, with so much "space" that I need an astronaut's suit to supply me with oxygen and air pressure to keep me from exploding in the vacuum.

It is the ones that I have specifically explained this to that are causing me the most hurt.

------------------------------------
--http://www.idexter.com