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Originally Posted by Margolomania
I'm DoD employee, though not active duty, so I am able to observe how military lifestyles are and understand a little bit about why you're hesitant to see a doctor. One person mentioned what I was going to say though... start with therapy first, especially if you're still trying to figure a lot of things out. Depending on where you live, you can find a civilian therapist who could work with you financially if you'd rather pay out of pocket rather than letting the Navy cover for it. They're not allowed to disclose information anyway, whether military or civilian, unless you say something about hurting yourself or other people. So you'll still get your privacy no matter what. I went to a therapist to figure out what was going on with me (I initially thought I was ADHD or something, but met Bipolar instead O_O). Not to say that you'll get the diagnosis, but definitely mention to them what you've been suspecting. Therapy can be a smaller, safer step than going straight to a psychiatrist. At least you'll get clearer ideas on what you can do next.
For the symptoms you've been displaying, it would definitely help to put some limits on yourself, especially if you feel humiliated by your actions after they have occurred. I'm very lucky in that I've always had good personal boundaries. No matter what mood I'm in, and what cravings I've been having, I have this voice that always reminds me of possible consequences if I don't watch myself. Some soul-searching is definitely beneficial for everybody. What is it about cooking and physics that gets you all uppidy sometimes? Maybe you're just genuinely interested in them, and if so, perhaps you can let yourself indulge in them on the side and pick them up as hobbies.
I'm a bit hyped up on caffeine at the moment so I hope I'm making sense. I wish you the best of luck in your future endeavors!
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I definitely should clarify that I DO NOT want drugs. I feel that these things are parts of me, and as long as I stay like I am now it's all manageable. I guess I used the wrong term, when I said pdoc I really meant a therapist, I'm scared to talk to one while in the navy but I thought it might help as I transition to talk to someone that sees people with these problems regularly that had some ideas on how to keep it in check. I'm a bit scared, I must admit, of the concept of turning manic, I'm doing so good right now I really don't want to wreck my life again.
I also have a difficult time discerning things as actual or passing interests when I'm in a hyped up mood. It's just like... my mind goes so fast I have to lock on to something, so whatever catches my interest at the time and I suddenly feel that I am the best in the entire world at that thing - even if I know little to nothing about it. I throw myself into it entirely, forgetting to sleep, eat, ignore my phone and so on. I can't tell you exactly what I'm thinking, it's a bit hazy looking back. It's only these times that concern me, at times I'll sink into depression but I don't have serious suicidal thoughts it just gets me down for a while. Definitely manageable. I guess realistically I just need to come up with a system to keep it in check, because I don't feel that these things are negatives. I don't want to be like other people. I like being different, I feel that all of this makes me who I am. I just want a system of checks in place to keep me from crossing that line. And thankfully that's what all of you are giving me, so thanks! I really do appreciate the advice from people that understand where I'm coming from.