I suffered minor depressions through my life, things I muddled through and managed to get through without help, but until my bipolar blew up at age 42, I never knew there could be so much pain in one person. The kind you don't know if you can live another day with inside you. If a person has never lived the pain, he can't understand it and no amount of explaining it can ever be enough for anyone to truly understand it. So, trying to explain the pain and the urges is like that old saying of trying to describe an elephant to a blind man. They'll never really get it.