I couldn't respond completely and when you first posted and I feel sorry for that... I was upset with your language that aptly displayed your upset, and I was upset because I was sensing your upset so! (also I was having a sit-in protest, but let's not get into my angst right now )

I am alone this Christmas. I mean ALONE IRL.

My wonderful T helped me learn to treat it as "just another day." Of course it isn't really, but operating from that perspective has probably kept me alive. It would be a "good" time to become overly depressed, if there is such a thing with depression.

Please take care of yourself. This, too, shall pass.