I think what you need to try and do is realize that you did the best you could do for the time and place and what you were experiencing. It's so easy to second guess, to go through what ifs and all that...but certainly you, at the time, we not saying, well I could do better but I'm not going to! out of spite or anything? No, you were reacting and responding the best way possible for where you were emotionally and phsycially. TC!