((I posted this in another board and realized it was probably in the wrong location. I am dying for advice))

I was diagnosed with chronic extreme inflammation of the cartilage, connective tissue, and chest wall (all in my chest). I am still being tested for lupus, which it is really starting to look like. While they come to doctors appointments with me, and when they are there they aren't in denial, they show care and respect and understand the new limitations of my body. But the second we go home, it's like I've made it all up in my head. When I cry from pain and need my sister to get my mom, my mom gets annoyed and goes "there is nothing I can do for them!".

My doctors advised against going to school/getting a job because my immune system is shot. And if I get sick before I am truly diagnosed, I can get sick enough to land in the hospital for weeks. My vitamin D and others were at level 4 on my last blood test. It makes me weak, exhausted. I. Am. In. Constant. Pain.

But my dad is pushing me to get a job. I had an interested party contact me today, and I feel like I shouldn't have said anything. Because while I want it, while I need it, while I missing working so god damn much, I need to LISTEN to my body right now. I can't let this get any worse. And alas, I have a job and I doubt I am going to be able to handle it.

My mom tends to shrug it off. My dad tends to push me to do these things my body CAN'T. "Go for a long walk", "Walk to the store and pick these up", "take the job! You can walk five miles!"

My parents were hesitant to bring me to the ER the other night when I was running a fever and my gallbladder was so inflamed my whole right side hurt. It took nearly 20 minutes of saying "SOMETHING ISN'T RIGHT" for it to click with them. I was admitted and waited for the surgery and my mom sighed a lot and my dad left the room again and again and I just DON'T GET IT. Am I being a burden? Is my chronic illnesses being made about them?

My brother was terminally ill. I get it. They are scared. But so am I. And I can't do this alone, I did everything else alone, but this is so heavy. And I need someone to respect me and understand. Ugh. I know my parents love me, but they need to realize I am not my brother. He has died, and I am here and alive and I need someone to be active with me in this situation or nothing is ever going to get resolved. I am learning things I can and cannot do anymore, and I need those boundaries respected. When I try to bring this up in conversation my mom goes "I am in pain everyday" and my dad will go "I am on dialysis" and yes I know these things but I respect their limitations and know their lives changed. Why am I different? Am I that easy to just lose?