I'd been seeing a gorgeous, wonderful man but we both went away for the summer. Towards the end of his time away, he got a gf and didn't tell me. I went off the deep end, esp when he visited town and brought her instead of seeing me.

I responded by getting drunk and hooking up with a friend who I'm not attracted to the following day. I figured that this was just a rebound and it wouldn't happen again. But I keep doing it. I have no idea why. Its not that good, I want a relationship with some one else, and I don't want to use anyone/lead them on. I'm not attracted to my friend at all. It makes no sense.

The one who I was seeing (lets call him M) and I talked a lot of stuff out. We've been working stuff out (I think), but his behavior confuses me. The other night, he didn't do anything but be kind to me, but I felt like he didn't care if I was around or not (which wasn't fair), so I left M and went to go with the other guy (lets call him J) because he kept asking me to come over. I always tell myself that I won't sleep with him, but then I complain about M and my life and he listens and then sleep with J.

I feel like I have no control because once I'm sad, I can numb myself and zone out during sex and he becomes just a body providing me a service and not my friend. And I don't want to jeopardize things with M. I feel a bit hypocritical for my annoyance towards M for constantly sending me mixed signals. I can't stop doing this. Why do I keep doing it and what is wrong with me? :/