I don't think this would trigger anyone else...I do hope not.

I am always thankful when I figure out a little more information about something that has cause dme to 'over react' for years, and yesterday I got that. It also meant that I was upset big time by someone who means a lot to me.....so today I am exhausted and feel soo tearful, but just can not allow them to flow. It is too scary.

I special person told me that we could potentially have a great relationship in the future(if some major obstacles cleared) and if I lost some weight. Simple enough right? Wrong!! I reacted incredibly badly, I was soo angry and became very cold, then suddenly felt like I was going to fall apart...I could not even continue talking to him!! This is awful.

I was soo triggered, and always have when it comes to my weight. The realisation was..... when I was a child and still as an adult my parent led me to believe that I was only worthy of love or support or care dependant on my weight. I was constantly told I was 'fat' and it is only in recent years after seeing photos of my childhood & teenage years that I suddenly realised I was slim and attractive....but in my heart I believed I was fat and ugly. This has been reinforced many times since i was very young in varying ways.

I am so upset, and dont know what to do with this information, and my therapist is on leave...and my best friend is away also....so I dont have anyone to talk to about this. I hope it is ok to let it out here?

This complex PTSD is so challenging, and I have only just started my journey of being honest with myself about it. So many hidden traumas (small & major) are coming out that have been hidden in my head for so long.

It is such an up and down process...I feel like I am on a roller coaster. Even worse than when I stopped my alcohol addiction 2and a half years ago.......