My life and my mind are really going crazy right now. I've got so much going on and I really don't have the energy to deal with any of it. I am unemployed right now. To add more to that to think about, part of me is afraid to return to what I previously did. The name of a certain drug manufacturer triggers PTSD in me. It reminds me of my ex and things that happened when we were married. At my last job, I was there nine months before getting laid off. There were several times the name reminded me of what happened and it passed with minimal incedent if at all. But there were a few times when it had much more of an impact on me. Those times I had to fight to keep from crying; I barely managed it. I just wanted to run away from work and never look back until I was okay. For half the day I was in a bad mood, emotional, and hated being there. Finally into the afternoon I was able to start distracting myself better. Things weren't great, but better. I was still bothered. All my coworkers could tell that something was up. I wouldn't talk to anyone about it. There is a great job someone emailed me about to interview for, but my mood lately insists that I am not qualifed. I know that I don't have the education, and my experience is on the medical end, and not psych--or minimally psych. How can I interview for this job (support services coach for severely mentally ill), when I could probably use someone like that myself?! I know that things are always different with me, and it's always easier when working on a problem of another person. Plus, I don't normally practice what I preach (like weight, thinness, eating, healthy habits, etc.) I've been having similar dreams sometimes, and it happened again last night. In the dreams, I have gerbils and guinea pigs. Someone (don't remember who...I think my ex-husband?) would take the gerbils out of their cage and put them in the guinea pig cage. The cage would not be all the enclosed, so they could get out that way, plus gerbils are small enough to easily go through the wires. Then I have gerbils running around everywhere. I know these dreams symbolize how everything is out of control. The cage in the dreams is open, letting everything "loose". I'm getting tired of seeing this dream.