I've been struggling since I was 12 too. I was diagnosed at 18 and medicated ever since. It took 8 years of mucking around with meds and therapy treatment before finding something that worked. I was in your position many times, thinking there was no way out. Eventually we found the right med combination and life has been sweet! Its been no walk in the park trying to retrain my brain from its depressive negative thinking that I was so used to having for more than half my life, but it has been worth it! Life is worth living now and everyday is a gift. It does get better - keep fighting on!