It's a 2 way street when discussing small decisions. When it's large, life changing decisions I really don't get a say. He hates! change & I'm asking for change, big change.
Our house is literally falling apart. It has structural issues. Every yr there's something new. For the longest time I'd look for another place, try to find a place he'd b interested in, but he refuses to look. It came down to a big argument & him getting in my face & saying "we're not moving anywhere!" After that I stopped looking.

A few months ago a job opened in a large city 3 hrs from us. It was in my field, benefits & I'd be using my masters degree. I've never made more than a few thousand a yr. I got excited, sent him the link & he blew a gasket. Just hammering me w/ questions, "where will we live, we don't know the city, where will I work, where will kids go to school....even how will we get around! Really! So for we to have a career & decent salary I have to accommodate all his needs, then mine. I told him to stop & I'd forget about it. Then he said "even the salary is small." $20,000 is not small to me. Others yes, but it's a step out & up.

I can make a decision on paint color but not anything about what happens w/ our $$. Last time he said "if you'd contribute more you'd have more of a say." Yup, that one hurt too. I know my role as a wife he wants me to play. The question is whether I can do it & not live in resentment