Again, I feel no guilt for masturbation. I just start seriously hating my physical body.

Yes, I have experienced abuse and some trauma but nothing sexual. It hasn't always been this way for me though and nothing traumatic has happened recently to change this.

I wonder if maybe porn is making me feel lonely because I don't have anyone to do sexual things with like the people in the videos. I have been feeling more depressed recently because while nothing traumatic has happened recently, I've been put back in the environment where it happened for a few months. I'm not in that environment anymore but maybe there is some hangover.

I don't know. I should probably tell my T. I just hate talking about sexual things with her.