The fact that you are not overjoyed about all of the cool "stuff" you got for xmas in COMPLETELY normal considering all that you have going on right now. Be gentle with yourself and seek out a counsellor or mentor who can help you through this very difficult time in your life. Try the hotline mentioned earlier in this thread and connect with someone you can talk to about what you are going through. What is powerful to realize is that many,many people who work these hotlines and call centers are themselves former sufferers who have conquered their problems and are as a result able to give you valuable suggestions and advice about how to get through your own situation. (& keep posting here. As I mentioned before, trapping your thoughts and feelings on the page is powerful medicine.)

You Rock. Don't you ever forget that.

May peace of mind begin to fill your days...

-Breezer