I can't deal with the pain. It was all so sudden, I have never had someone die out of the blue like that. I can't accept it. I can't accept how it happened, I feel there was some wrong doing on the doctors part. She had an infection that never was fully cleared and it came back with a vengence. It got into her valves and that was it. They sent her home saying the infection was gone. Plus she had surgery several years ago and was never quite right after that. I have sent for all of her records, I have received all except one and I have the autopsy report. I have had these documents for months and cannot bring myself to open them. The hospital staff did some disturbing things when she died. They told us we could go see her before they took her away and when we went in the room they had her zipped up in a bag with a tag on it. I almost passed out. Her eyes were still half open when the unzipped the bag. I keep seeing this vision now. I'm angry that the doctors did not consider my feelings on removing her from life support, they went with my siblings approval even though I was the one they saw all the time since I lived closer to the hospital. She was moved to a hospital in New York. I had intended to write a letter of complaint to the hospital and couldn't bring myself to do that either. I know I am saying alot and if someone were to read this that knows me they would figure out its me but I don't even care at this point. I am so upset and hurt. My brother and sister have barely spoken to me since her death. Even when she was in the hospital I barely spoke to or saw them. They were busy with their jobs and their kids activities and what not. They couldn't take some time off to deal with an emergency? They have just acted so cold and emotionally distant throughout this entire ordeal. I can't even believe they are related to me. And I believe their guilt is what has kept them from talking to me. They can't look me in the face never mind talk to me. They know they did wrong but won't even acknowledge it. I don't know if I'll ever be able to get over this. I feel like I lost my Mom and my siblings. My BF is a jerk and has acted like a jerk since this happened. I had a complete nervous breakdown and he was angry because I wasn't able to function and work and take care of everything like I usually do. Mind you I had lost my job, I had health problems and scares, plus I lost my father in 2004 and witnessed his death from Cancer. But my BF couldn't see pass the fact that I wasn't contributing. I've taken care of things when he was unemployed and he wasn't even sick. I'm sick of everybody. Its Christmas and I'm sorry to be in such a mood but I can't help it. I am so hurt, lost and broken. I throw my hands up at life.

Bree Marie.