Well, I had what should have been the most stressful weekend of my life. Four performances in 3 days, 5000 km travelled, left waiting at one gig till 3:45am unable to drink or party because I had to drive two of my bandmates home who were drunk and jamming with another band...I felt the anger and betrayal while they left me to wait, knowing we had a 1 hour drive back to our accommodation, knowing I asked to leave at 11:30 after the gig, knackered because I was doing all the driving (5 hours that day plus two 2.5 hour gigs on drums)..but I was able to be calm, to drag them out with dignity and smiles for the client who had booked us, to calmly express my anger and disappointment to them on the way home. It must have been the meds. It was only the 4th day on them but it was so strange feeling that anger and other feelings only go to like 3 out of 10 instead of my usual 6-9.

I can talk to my wife on the phone now for much longer, about boring crap, and not get irritated. Our sex life is vastly improved because I'm giving her attention and love and patience. When I got back monday morning, even though I'd slept only 12 hours since Friday, I felt stretched to the limit but was calm and loving (a bit manic too but I put that down to lack of sleep).

Thank F*** I went to the Pdoc!
There is real hope now.

I look at my behaviour now, and over my life since adolescence and I can see the Bipolar symptoms, the OCD and depression. I feel calm and in control enough to see it coming and choose to act better.
phew