First of all, I hope everyone had a Merry Christmas and I don't wish to lighten anyone's holiday spirit, but I'm going through a very tough time right now. I don't want to go into my whole life story, but my mom, sister, and I aren't very close to the rest of our relatives (grandparents, uncles, cousins, etc.), but my dad is, so on Christmas Eve we went to give them our presents and wish them a Merry Christmas. Well, my grandma (who is famous for ruining get togethers) very quickly made things awkward among everyone. I couldn't take it and my face turned purple and hot and I couldn't breathe. I excused myself to the bathroom and for the life of me, I couldn't get myself to come back out and return to the family room. After I was going a long while I finally met my mom in the hallway and she calmed me down a little. I spent the rest of the time huddled with my sister, talking so that no one else could talk to me.
Early this morning, we took my sister to the airport (I know I've mentioned this many times before). I had dreaded this day for over a month and I couldn't believe it was already here. As we said goodbye to her, I clenched my teeth as hard as I could to prevent the tears from flowing. If I was going to cry, I wouldn't let it happen in front of her (then she would start crying as well). I did a good job of putting on a front. When we returned to the car, the instant we got in my mom broke down, which of course triggered me to cry as well. I'm scared to walk around the house, because everything I see reminds me of her and it breaks my heart. Right now, we're still waiting on her phone call during her wait for her first plane change. *Sigh* I feel so weak and useless. I have no one to talk to (besides my mom now, but she's a little vulnerable right now), so PC is my savior for the moment.