Why? Well because he is abusive. He is emotionally and mentally abusive. Coming and going as he pleases, leaving you at the mercy of his whims, laying down the law regarding your "place" annnnd restraining you is a huge NO NO! even if he doesn't resort to blatant physical attacks.

He's messing with your head, and you're letting him. He offers no kind of stability, leaving you and returning repeatedly, year after year. Knowing you sit around waiting for his return. Sounds as if he is a part time parent, its not healthy to appear and disappear out of your childs life. What type of role is he playing in your child's life? What type of role model will he be?

He's a grown man, I highly doubt he's being brainwashed, maybe he finally found friends who share his opinion of women and feels more confident to voice it. Don't blame his new friends for his abusive and disrespectful behaviour. He owns it, nobody is making him treat you badly. He does it because he can.

I'd like to echo Healing4me's question: What keeps you staying with him???

What is he bringing into your relationship that you absolutely cannot live without? What is he providing that you will not find somewhere else? What role is he playing in your life that another man cannot play far better?

What?
I'm not asking for answers, I want you to think about those questions and answer them to yourself, honestly.

You say you love him, but you also say "its kiling me". There is no "killing me" where love is concerned. Love is kind, respecting and trustworthy.

You can't even trust him to not leave before 12 months are up! He is unkind and disrespectful.
Where is this love you speak of? Because I honestly don't see it.

And it shouldn't be there sometimes when things are good, it should be there ALL the time. If its sometimes, then there is more evidence for you to see you are in an abusive relationship. Because abuse has a cycle, and abusers only ACT loving and kind during the honeymoon phase.

Seems like you are either inlove with love, or inlove with the idea of him, his "potential".

People shouldn't marry potential, thats like marrying a maybe.

Listen to your instinct, don't move in with him. Even if you are ok with being abused, and feel you don't deserve better, ask yourself if your child deserves to be subjected to it.

I was in very simliar shoes a few years ago, I'm not talking out my a.s.s