Quote:
Originally Posted by secretwhisper
Thanks, I do need to speak up. I know that. The truth is he has known me long enough to know better. It has been him who over time has told everyone. Some people did need to be told - my parents mainly. My friends too. He speaks to someone about it at work, I get that he needs someone to talk to though. But then he told my ex, people we walk the dog with a few more of his friends.
Will it ever end??
I think he feels it's fine because he has at least told me that he told them. But he always tells me afterwards when I don't have any say in it at all. And then I have to get over the initial seeing that person knowing they will look at me differently from now on.
I think I will talk to him when I get home. Otherwise its going to keep eating away at me and it is going to keep on happening until the whole ****ing world knows it!!
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Ok he's acting on assumptions.. that it's ok because... blah blah blah. you can remedy this. Instead of just kind of saying "well I dont' like people to know my private stuff" that's not enough. Work now to get some boundaries set, some rules of behavior that are acceptable. This is not a negative thing, it's a good thing. Tell him outright, that you do NOT want him telling anyone about such and such (be specific as to where your lines are drawn) unless he tells or asks you if it's ok first. Set it up so that he knows your rules. nothing wrong in setting those lines up. He will better succeed as your boyfriend that can give you what you need if you let him know what the rules are. Don't be vague. Don't just say I hate it when... "_______" that does nothing. you can tell him that you don't like it when he does this thing he does but you have to go further and show him what is ok, what the limits are. AT that point if he does something outside of those lines, he has to be a dimwit to expect that you'd be ok because you've told him you're not.
you say he should "know better" but I'm going to guess that you're assuming that he should, but like most people in relationships you assume based on the length of the relationship he should "know you" better. Not if the rules have never clearly been defined by you. no matter how long you know someone you can't know those inner values and boundaries of the other person unless they've been defined.