I wrote a reply in another thread related to this and it has gotten me thinking. About falling in love. I've stated in the past that I'm not even sure if I've been "in love" and this is still kind of true in my mind. That's not to say that there have never been mates or lovers I've ever had that I didn't love at any point. That's different.

Many people here, including myself, have stated that they fall in love quickly and easily but truly that's what I've been thinking about. i do not fall in love quickly at all. I become excited and emotionally wrapped up in an Idealistic fantasy of a person. Typically this is a girl I dont' even know particularly well. She probably has certain mannerisms, voice, walk, etc... that are very attractive to me. Around that the unbridled imagination of S4 takes hold and he puts together this wonderful life that includes this fantasy girl in his life. I add "fantasy girl" because without really knowing the real one, there is no way any of the aspects of this girl in my mind can be accurate or realistic. But nevertheless I come to a point where I'm sure I'm falling for this girl.

The only way, in my mind that I can truly fall in love with a girl is when I am able to back off from everything, and realize that attraction =/= love. It's ok to be excited about the girl, to want to be with her and all that, but I need to be able to differentiate the attraction and infatuation from love and just be able to be friends for awhile first. I don't know how to do that. It's almost foreign to me. Logically it all makes sense but since I'm an emotional fckwit, I lose myself to that end of things and forget to just take my time.

Truth is, being infatuated is a high and I'm an addict to the feelings. It's better than any man made drug I can think of and it's hard not to get caught up in it. it's hard not to want a fix every minute, even to the point of overdosing on it. But I know this is something that I need to learn. it's not going to be easy but I really would like to find the girl that is really right for me, and the way I've been doing it just isn't working. :/

Anyway.. thanks for listening. hope this is insightful for someone or encouraging, thought provoking

S4