I apologize in advance if there is a topic on something similar to this...if so maybe it can be moved there by admin?

I have been dealing with this problem similar to clinical depression, but I can't say I have it, because I have yet to been officially diagnosed by a doctor. I won't get into detail with what's exactly wrong because I have already made a thread about it in the "Introduction" section.

I had one appointment exactly a week ago, and all they did was evaluate me, but did not diagnose me yet. I am very impatient with this illness, so it made me upset, but if I was in my normal state of mind, I would shrug it off and say "Okay, I will wait." I used to be very optimistic.

But I had an appointment today, and my boyfriend had 3 alarms set, and they did not go off, therefore, causing to miss the appointment. I was mad at him at first (but he didn't know I was mad), but even more mad at myself that I did not set an alarm on my own phone when I told myself last night I was going to. But my boyfriend's alarm always goes off when he sets it, so I figured I didn't need to. Just my luck. But accidents happen. I'm trying not to sound like a drama queen.

Well anyways, I got so upset that I missed the appointment, because I am sick of waiting (I have been waiting for almost 3 weeks) I ended up rescheduling and it's going to be a while. So I'm not too happy about it.

And while I was crying my eyes out, he just laid in bed falling back asleep with nothing to say.

I told my him I felt suicidal because I am losing my patience and mind....Please listen to me, I am not going to do it, and I know saying it is just as bad because it is serious, and if it ever got that bad I would call 911, but I just wanted to tell him how I felt, and he flipped out on me. I understand that he would flip out in a way, because that is nothing to play with, but this is at a point I just need his support and care. He said he could lose his job (and yes I understand that) but when that is all he is saying and not anything reassuring or positive, I feel like his job is his only concern and not thinking about actually how I feel. Just a simple statement like "I'm sorry, I'm here for you." would have made me feel a little better. I feel like he is too concerned with throwing me in the hospital because he is too busy to comfort me which is what I need right now. Maybe I am asking too much.

He used to never be this way, he was very sweet and caring. But ever since this has happened (3 weeks ago and I have been trying to keep positive for his sake) and now he just gets mad at me about things like me not being able to make a decision, because it's so hard to focus, but I can't help it. I tried to tell him I can't help this, but it's like I am talking to a wall. I feel like he thinks I do it on purpose.

He was the only one to make me feel better, but now at this point, him doing this to me isn't make it any better. I moved away from my family and friends to live with him, so I can't just go over to their house. I can't even drive because I am in bad condition. I do talk to them daily online, but only about normal things to keep me somewhat "sane" and a few of them know what's going on, but don't understand. It doesn't bother me that they don't understand, because I don't expect them to. I don't even understand what's wrong.

I just told him to go to work because he was gonna be late and he just stormed out and left without saying bye or anything. I feel like I am giving him a hard time.

I just want someone to listen and understand that is going through a similar situation.