So it started with having way too much imagination. I saw things from about five or six I guess. Some sa and then saw more stuff. For the most part though despite the scary faces I was in control of my world and all of those that lived in it and then I gave in,or up and saw more stuff. Alcohol was pretty much the thing that made me feel good. Even at six or seven. Saw a lot of dead people didn't share that. Got to about 12 and began disliking myself at the same time would feel elated and saw magical things. But started to have words obsessively forming on my head spent a lot of time writing things down because they were so important then spent a lot of time running from school having extremely suicidal thoughts. covered my tracks and drank some more. Started losing time, voices constantly, I felt ashamed and didn't talk about it. Sometimes nothing could stop me I was a genius I worked hard I aced things but in the end I would always fall short of what was expected. I'd drink to much and freak out. I wouldn't drink enough and couldn't cope. I o'd many times. I was told after my son I was psychotic depressive. Mostly before that I had been labelled emotionally unstable and a particular irritation to the system. Told many times I needed a firm hand. But this is not all I am because I really do have a big heart. Treated with anti-depressants my images and thoughts moved to stellar heights. I have moved in fractals and seen what I thought was heaven only to find it's all a lie and at the top of the brightest orb lies the most putrid of existences. I don't know how to escape this at some point they said you have BPD but it doesn't really end there we think you are BP as well along with an alcohol dependency which I have tried to kick and even been successful for a year or two here and there.
Any place this is not me complaining about dx's. I think they are ever changing , ever fluid. Personally I am not sure there is a cure. Perhaps I have not talked to any humans for awhile and this comes across weird. This was wriiten with the best of intents my apologies if it lacks finesse. Sorry am venting.