One of my realizations about the doctors being right about BPD was the splitting --- could love and hate my husband in two seconds flat.
If he was making me feel good about myself... YAY. If he said something or acted in a way to make me feel bad....
Something to do with feeling always like being a reflection in the eyes of someone else.
So... when we hook up with someone... that mirror, being wary of the way I am perceived. What sort of reflection will I see?

Many days I see only grim tolerance of me, reflected from him.
Some days I see outright irritation and anger - when he calls me selfish or lazy or whatever other thing might come from him. (I mistook his passive agressiveness for the 'quiet gentleness' I stated above)

Then there's days where he will think about me, and maybe inadvertently rub my back a moment, or some other small thing and then I feel worthy again.

This constant basing myself on how he saw me, got to a point where I had to emotionally detach myself from him because everything he said when angry hurt too easily and now I'm at the 'yes i accept him for who he is, I wont ask him to change, but if he leaves me, oh well'
(i apologize for disjointed thought. new meds and feeling wonky)